“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”
MARRIAGE BEST PRACTICES
If you have decided that you want a better marriage, you are reading the right book. Marriages will always have ups and downs; it is part of the game. It does take work and it is not always easy. The following list is my top ten for keeping myself and my wife fulfilled in our marriage. This list is for the married men out there. If you want an awesome marriage, here is your action plan:
Appreciate her every day. I’m not kidding. Tell her how special she is to you and why, every day. I know fellas, just trust me on this one. Sorry ladies, we need to be told to do this stuff. If you want a great marriage, just roll with this.
Make sure you know what makes her feel loved and schedule it in a variety of ways every week. Yes, schedule it. If you don’t know, ask her. If she doesn’t know, then take the Five Love Languages Quiz online and find out.
Be clear on each other’s needs. What does she need on a regular basis to feel like she is in a solid, committed relationship? Make sure you both are clear on your roles in the marriage. I do this and you do this kinda thing.
Remain clear about each other’s rules. “What are your deal breaker rules and what can we come together on mutual agreement with? Okay, here are mine. Are we both in agreement on each other’s rules? Are we both in agreement on the consequences if these are broken?” I know this sounds very business-like, but marriage needs rules. Two people on the same team will only work if both of them know what the rules are.
Keep the sexual chemistry going. This is touchy, but I want the best for you both. Are you both still in the same shape you were in when you got married? Hubby, are you carrying around a big beer gut now and wonder why you are not sexually stimulated by your wife? Work on getting sexy yourself, Fabio, and then see how sexy you find your wife. Both hubby and wifey need to take continued care of their health. It is not fair not to. Keep it spicy folks. Get your sexy on.
Schedule a date night every week. Go enjoy a night out together without the kids weekly. This is the time to not only have fun but to ask each other, “On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate our marriage this week? Okay, what can I work on this week specifically to bring it back to a ten?”
There can be no concealments with your wife. None. If you can’t talk to your wife with pure vulnerability then that is a big challenge to work on. Tell your wife everything. Look, if you have some concealments that you don’t think you could ever talk to her about, do me a favor and re-read the Forgiveness of Self and Others chapter. Get some help if you have to. I care about you too much as a fellow human being to not let your soul die inside because you think you could never tell her the truth. Marriage is sacred. If you are sincerely sorry and you discuss it openly with her, and she is not willing to forgive you, then, brother, it may not work out. That is the risk you must take to be happy. Nothing is worth you losing your soul over by not revealing concealments. Remember, marriage is total acceptance of one another.
Have a common unified purpose. What can you both work toward that is bigger than each other or your marriage? This could be a spiritual purpose. It could be a helping mankind purpose. Whatever is most important to you that is a cause bigger than yourself, unite with your wife on it, and make that purpose happen together.
Your wife needs to know you are committed no matter what. I know they like to push us away sometimes, but just make sure she knows that you love her unconditionally and will be right there when she is ready. If you ever need space, make sure she knows you love her but need to be alone and will be back.
Make sure you both know that you are on the same team. You can never “win” an argument with your wife. Think about that. You win, she feels terrible, but hey, you won. That doesn’t work. Don’t argue, communicate. It is too destructive to argue. It is better to step away if it comes down to useless nonproductive arguing. Never explain away her feelings.