Most of us know that marriage is not always bliss. Whenever you meet a couple who has a great marriage, it is because they know how to ride through the ups and downs. Marriage is about commitment and communication. As long as each other’s needs are being met, you really can have a life-long happy marriage. I used to think that when I met a couple that had a great marriage, it is because they never fight…ha! Not true. They do argue, they do take space from each other, and they do lose their cool with each other at times. With all of that being said, they also know that their commitment is more important than how they feel at the time. They give each other space when needed.
Fantastic marriages are made up between two fantastic individuals. If you are not happy, your spouse will not be happy. You need to be happy first, and then you can bring your light into the marriage. Your spouse is not there to be the sole source of your happiness! You must be happy first and then the spouse magnifies that and makes your happiness even stronger.
If you have neglected your marriage so far to the point of considering divorce, take a minute to do a self-analysis. Number one, if you both are willing to give your marriage a fighting chance then move forward with these considerations. I repeat, if you both are willing to give it a shot then commit to giving it a shot. Consider the following point of view – you are bringing you into your current marriage. If you have failed to give your marriage the same attention you give your career, health, and any other key area in your life, then it is not acceptable as a self-responsible individual to throw in the towel and give up. If you got divorced, you would just bring your same self into the next marriage.
Everything that you do not like about your spouse can be addressed, confronted, changed or accepted if you both are willing to. If you think it would be better on the other side of the fence with someone else, then that new person may be better at the things you are seeking or may be better at fulfilling the needs you are missing, but they will not be as good as the things your current spouse is already doing that you don’t realize you love so much. The new marriage will just bring new issues to work on. The key is knowing that improvement in the relationship with yourself and the relationship with your spouse is constant and never ending. Marriage is not about not having any issues. Marriage is about accepting each other completely. There is not a perfect spouse folks, just ask my wife. There is no such thing as a perfect human being!
Look, take an honest assessment of yourself. Would you be married to you? Are you at a level ten in all areas of your life? Do you communicate one hundred percent effectively? Are you completely spiritually at peace? Do you have an incredible body and consider yourself a sexy beast? Are you the parent of the year? Do you never lose your temper? Are you loaded with tons of cash and free time? If you do have all of these, let me know the name of your book. I would love to read it.
Married couples who get divorced most always end up getting remarried, and studies show the divorce rate to be much higher on marriages after their first. Divorce is giving up on your self-growth. You have the intellectual knowledge to not make the same decisions that over half of married couples do, divorce. You are smarter, better at this, and playing the game of life at a higher level than that.
Be honest with your spouse and let them know your needs are not being met. Ask them what needs are not being met for them. Commit to each other’s needs again. Accept what you need to finally accept about the other, and get into mutual agreement on your needs. Commit to making it work.
If you think that being single for the rest of your life is the way to go, well, I would encourage you to talk to someone who has been single for over a year. Being single long term works for a very small group of people. The life of no responsibility, empty sex, and no one to answer to, is not your answer. There is a reason rock stars and movie stars get married, folks. Life is meant to be experienced with a partner. Create the “remember when” with your spouse.
Of course, the choice is ultimately yours, and of course, there are rule breakers for absolute divorce; however, if divorce is being considered, at least sit down and read this together. Stay away from people who believe that marriage is terrible. Get around people who know every marriage has two individuals that are works in progress. Get on the same team and be friends along the path. If you are not happy in your marriage, it is because a need is not being met. When you don’t feel like communicating, what do you need to do? Communicate.