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Choosing A Spouse

If you are on the hunt for the love of your life, choose wisely. Read the questions below so you can prescreen your potential spouse. If you are in a relationship, and marriage is being considered, take the time to ask them some questions to make sure you know what you are getting yourself into. When I first was considering asking my beautiful wife to marry me, we went out for ice cream, and I totally drilled her with questions. She thought I was a little militant about it, but I needed to make sure my head was lining up with my heart. It was the best choice I ever made. Remember, a fabulous marriage is based on unconditional love and commitment, communication, and total acceptance of one another with a shared purpose and vision.

When you are in love and feeling the “feelings” all of the time, you will know when things are getting “serious.” Asking these serious potential deal-breaker questions may be the last thing you feel like doing. With the divorce rate over fifty percent, it is pretty clear that not lining up your head with your heart does not work for most.

When it comes to new relationships, do you both know that what you see right now is what you get? This is similar for career interviews, too. How they are showing up to you in the first two days is the best presentation of themselves that they have. If you are picking up too many red flags during this initial process, then it’s time to do the moonwalk, back up and head out. Typically, the best you are ever going to have is what is in front of you right now. The point is, your future spouse may or may not ever change, so certainly be totally accepting of who they are and what they stand for right here, right now. We can all use improvement, but remember, you cannot change someone unless they are willing and coachable.


  1. Do your personalities complement each other? Do they bring out the best personality in you? Take an online personality test together one night for fun. This will really start the process of getting to know who you are considering marrying and what you are getting yourself into.
  2. Do you still have a lot of fun together? Do you love each other’s company?
  3. Do you share common interests or hobbies?
  4. Do you both know what you love about the other?
  5. Do you both have strong sexual chemistry toward each other?
  6. Do you both know each other’s deal-breaker rules for relationships?
  7.      Do you both know who you are, why you are here, and what you want? If you need help with that, read my book. 🙂
  8. Have you gotten to know their family? Do they get along with their mom and dad? How well do they treat their parents?
  9. Do you know their closest friends? What do they like to do with their friends?
  10. How well do you both communicate or deal with stress in the relationship? Does that need to be worked on, or are you both good there?
  11. Why did their past relationships end? What happened? What did they learn from them?
  12. What are the red flags that you have noticed in your head but have ignored up to this point? Do those need to be discussed?
  13. What does marriage mean to them? What do they believe about marriage?
  14. What roles would you both have in the marriage? Who does what?
  15. Do they like kids? Do they want children? How many? How do they want their future kids raised? What does family mean to them?
  16. Do you line up spiritually? Do they have good character and moral code? Would you feel comfortable having them be an example for your future children?
  17. Do you share the same lifestyle health habits? Are you on the same page on how to stay healthy? Do you both have the same health philosophy?
  18. What do they do for income? Are you going to be satisfied financially with their current status as well as their potential? What is their relationship with money?
  19. What is important to them and what is their life mission? Are you both on the same page with loving God, being your best, and helping others?
  20. Where do they see the two of you in five years, ten years, twenty years?

These are some deep questions. You need to decide which ones are your deal breakers and which ones you can live with. These twenty questions are the fundamentals. Take the time and have fun with these. Elevaaate!